Cycle
by Hotaru-hime
Summary: Part 1 of Gaara Arc, attached to Fallen. Gaara POV. As he watches his sister get married, Gaara ponders his life and where it might lead.


The series Naruto and its characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. I blame 'Caught' for this—I want to do a little more with my 'Fallen' universe. This is an entirely different approach to it though, as inspired from watching a marathon of the original Naruto episodes. This is a Gaara POV fanfic that takes place one year after the end of Fallen, so this takes place before 'Caught'. I'm trying my hand at GaaraxMatsuri, so I hope you don't mind if you don't approve of this pairing.

Cycle

Love.

I reached up idly to trace the tattoo on my forehead. 'Ai'. 'Love'. Living only for myself, loving only myself…ideology I lived by nearly my whole life.

I dropped my hand from my head and looked up at the cloudless sky. Konohagakure was always so much calmer than Sunagakure. We were always welcome guests here, both for business and pleasure.

But this…I couldn't quite classify what _this_ was.

I closed my eyes, trying to focus on nothing. I wasn't nervous or anxious. Love was a painful word, and yet it came to me easily for those closest to me. I was happy; I truly was. Acceptance and love…this has always been my true goal. Now I had both, as the Godaime Kazekage, and the youngest child of the Yondaime Kazekage.

It'd been easy to hate that man, the one who gave me my genes. Before my birth he condemned me to a life of senseless murder, starting with the murder of my mother.

It never stopped. And nobody cared.

And yet, I'd felt nothing when he died. Not anger, not vindication. Just…nothing. And I think it was better that way.

"Gaara."

I opened my eyes and turned around. "What is it, Kankuro?"

Kankuro rubbed the back of his neck almost nervously. "Temari is just about ready, but she wants to speak to us. Are you ready?"

I looked down at myself. I was dressed in my Kazekage robes. "Yes, I am. You look like you're ready, too."

Kankuro wasn't dressed in anything official, but he'd still traded his black clothes for more formal tan robes. "Yeah. Let's get this over with, I guess."

We headed back inside. I could hear a commotion down the hall, but I wasn't worried. Kankuro went ahead of me and pushed open the door where the loud talking was coming from. "OI, Temari!!!!"

"KANKURO!!!!"

A bottle bounced off of Kankuro's head and he spilled back into the hallway. I stopped in my tracks and stared at him mutely for a moment. Then I lifted my head to look into the room.

"_Knock_ before entering, you idiot!!!" shouted Temari.

I walked into the room. "You're already dressed, Temari."

"What does that matter?! He still should've knocked!!!" Temari was standing on a footstool in the center of the room, surrounded by seamstresses from Sunagakure. Temari was someone who hardly dealt with material things, and so it seemed necessary that she was surrounded by those who _did_ know what they were doing.

After all…it was her wedding day.

Her wedding dress was very simple. The fabric was white (although Temari said it was 'off-white') and sleeveless and strapless. It seemed loose on her, though, and instead of having a veil to wear she choose a silk scarf cowl to drape over her head and bare shoulders. Her hair had been smoothed out and tied into a bun at the back of her head. She wore very little makeup and little jewelry, but she looked very beautiful.

"How do I look?" she asked me, spinning around slightly. "This isn't exactly my style, but I can't complain."

"…It looks good," I said.

Kankuro groaned and rubbed at his head. A large bump was starting to swell. "Thanks a lot, Temari!!! Now I'm going to look _fantastic_ for the ceremony!!!!"

"Then _knock_ next time!!!" snapped Temari, glaring at him. "Just a little _pointer_ for when you actually handle girls!!!"

Kankuro snorted. "It's not anything I've never seen befo—OW!!!"

Temari smacked him upside the head, right on top of his bump. "Be quiet and don't ruin this day for me!!!"

"So, you wanted to speak to us?" I asked her.

Temari's face relaxed slightly, although I could tell that she was very tense. This probably added to her uncontrollable temper at the moment. "Yeah. About that—"

There was a sudden knock at the door. We all turned to see who was standing in the open doorway. But…I froze. And my insides suddenly felt strange.

"Temari-sama, they're ready for you." It was a young woman, and by her pale pink dress I knew she was one of Temari's bridesmaids. She had light brown hair, and it seemed long, and she wore it in a ponytail. Black eyes stared at each of us with a quiet curiosity and sincerity.

She was…beautiful. I was taken off-guard by her, and the reaction I had to her. I hadn't even noticed her travelling with us.

"Thank you," said Temari sincerely. She looked at the people present. "All right, I would like to talk to the Kazekage and Kankuro. Leave us."

Everyone quickly departed. I barely noticed this because I couldn't stop looking at the girl in question. She sidestepped and allowed the others to leave before her. Before she followed though, she looked at me briefly. I felt an unexpected jolt as her gaze met mine. She smile again, and maybe she blushed too. But then she quickly rushed from the room.

Sand suddenly spurted in front of me from behind. "Gaara!!! Stop daydreaming and pay attention!!!"

"Kankuro, don't hit Gaara!!!" snapped Temari.

"Well, you just saw the sand shield him!!! But it got his attention again!!!"

"That doesn't give you the right to even _try _elbowing him in the back of the head!!!"

I slowly turned around, running my fingers through my hair. "You elbowed me, Kankuro?"

He 'eeped' in panic, but he also quickly noticed I wasn't really bothered by his actions and relaxed. "Temari was talking to us and you weren't paying attention, Gaara."

I looked at Temari. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, I'm not mad. _I_ could've alerted your attention just fine without trying to hit you." She glared at Kankuro again and shifted slightly as though she were ready to hit him yet again. "Anyways, don't mess me up. I want to talk serious for a moment here." she stepped off the footstool and walked over to an ornate chair in the corner.

"So you weren't talking seriously before?" asked Kankuro.

Temari ignored his question. Her face was now serious as she looked at the two of us. "Am I…do you think I'm doing the right thing?"

"Getting cold feet?" asked Kankuro, though he wasn't being sarcastic. "That's not like you. You love your groom, don't you?"

"Of _course_ I do, you idiot." She raised a hand as though to run through her hair, but she remembered the cowl on her head and dropped her hand. "It might not seem like it, but he…Shikamaru, he's the type of person I need. But…"

"You're uncertain about switching villages," I finished for her.

Temari slowly nodded. "It was inevitable, as it's unpractical to have a long-distance marriage. It's just that…I don't doubt that you two can handle things on your own. But Sunagakure has always been my home. I-It's difficult to think that _this_ place…will be my home now."

Making the choice _had_ been inevitable for both Temari and Shikamaru, once their relationship became as deep as it did. I'd thought for a while that Shikamaru would make the move to Sunagakure, because we needed Temari there. There were plenty of trained ninja here in Konoha, and I was certain they wouldn't miss one.

But…Temari came to the decision that Shikamaru was greatly needed in Konoha. The Nara family was deeply involved in Konoha, and they even had their own forest of deer. She rationalized that she had very little roots in Sunagakure beside Kankuro and me, and so she decided she would join the ninja ranks in Konoha.

On the surface it suited so many people. Having the older sister of the Kazekage marry into an influential (albeit _lazy_) ninja family would strengthen the ties between our two villages. But it also meant _our_ village would lose one of its strongest warriors…and _we_ would lose our older sister.

"Well, it's all decided now," said Kankuro. His tone was neutral, but I could tell he was uneasy by her turmoil. "And Naruto's going to swear you into the Konoha ranks after the wedding ceremony. There's no turning back now."

"If you don't know what to do," I said slowly. "Then maybe you should talk to Shikamaru—"

"He'd just complain about everything, as usual. As if he hasn't complained enough about how big this ceremony will be." Temari looked at me again. "But _am_ I making the right decision, Gaara? If you don't want me to leave Sunagakure, I won't."

I knew I had to speak carefully, because she would follow whatever I said. It was difficult for me, even now, to find the means to give someone else strength. Still, I had to start somewhere. "As long as you're happy, Temari, then I can't complain. Does Shikamaru make you happy?"

"Yes," she said. "Otherwise I wouldn't have agreed to marry him."

Kankuro snorted suddenly. "Didn't he propose to you in a deadpan voice out in the middle of nowhere?"

I choked slightly as a mental image surfaced in my mind of such a thing. Temari _had_ complained a bit about how Shikamaru had gone about proposing to her, but she still said yes.

Both of my siblings looked shocked at my short burst of laughter. Temari smiled suddenly. "All right. I'll go into this without any regrets, no matter how much the council complains about my leaving."

"The council can suck it," fumed Kankuro, kicking the footstool Temari had been standing on. "Not one of those assholes took up arms when Gaara was kidnapped—"

"It's a dead subject, Kankuro," I tried to reassure him.

"Dead subject? You _died_, Gaara!!!"

"And Chiyo resurrected me. Can we drop it, please? This isn't the time or the place to bring this up."

"Absolutely." Her convictions now clear, Temari swept up and picked up her bouquet. "It's time for me to get married. Let's go, boys."

She started towards the door and we trailed behind her. I gave Kankuro a sideways glance. Something was puzzling me, and I was almost embarrassed to say anything. But I wanted to know. "Who was that girl?"

"Eh?!" Kankuro looked at me in surprise. "What girl?!"

"Temari's bridesmaid. The one who came in to deliver that message. Who was that?"

Kankuro gave me a strange look. It was as though I was growing a second head. "Are you kidding me, Gaara?!"

I stared blankly at him. He scoffed to himself and shook his head. "Don't be so dense, Gaara!!! Don't tell me after all this time you don't know who _Matsuri _is!!!"

…………………………………Matsuri?

My mind quickly drifted far back to several years ago. To our brand-new ninja school, and my lone student. A young girl who looked at me not with fear, reverence, or hate. A child who stared at me with strength of conviction and a force of will.

That was Matsuri…or so I'd thought. Now she was one of Temari's bridesmaids?! I hadn't recognized her at all. When she looked at me I saw the recognition in her dark eyes, sure. But I was the Kazekage; everyone in my village knew me.

But Matsuri…she'd grown from that small child into…that woman?! How was that even possible?

I really didn't know anything.

The ceremony was going to happen just outside. I looked out the window and saw hundreds of people in attendance, from both villages. Every seat was filled, and more were being produced on the bride's side and the groom's side.

I saw Naruto on the dais at the very end of the row of people. He was in his Hokage robes, and despite having hundreds of pair of eyes upon him, he didn't look intimidated at all. He almost seemed to bask in the attention. I couldn't help but smile a little as we continued on our way.

The rest of the members of the wedding ceremony were waiting in front of the doors leading outside. Matsuri immediately caught my eye, but I tried not to stare at her. Temari had a total of five bridesmaids, and I could tell by their demeanor that they were all friends. When they all spotted me, their faces suddenly lit up. I could hear a squeal in their ranks and they began chattering amongst themselves very quickly.

Kankuro gave me a look. "Still interested?"

I stared back at him, confused. "What?"

He shook his head and waved a dismissive hand. "Never mind."

It was time, and members of our wedding party began filing out. We'd rehearsed this once, just yesterday, although I was still puzzled as to why a rehearsal was necessary. So little of everything in our lives was rehearsed, so why did a ceremony need to be?

But Temari was determined to make this day perfect, and Shikamaru was determined to have as little hassles as possible. And so we went through the motions, although this time it was for real.

"I still don't understand why Gaara has to walk you down the aisle," said Kankuro as he watched the others process before us. "_I'm_ the older brother in this."

"Yeah, but Gaara's our Kazekage," Temari reminded him. "He's not just handing me to a husband; he's giving me away to a new village. So he _has _to be the one to do it."

To be honest, I wouldn't have minded if Kankuro did this. I knew it was important that _I _did it, but it meant more responsibility over this rested upon me.

I was giving my sister away in marriage and to another village entirely. The Hokage was someone I trusted unconditionally, but there was no changing the fact that Temari's life wasn't going to be the same after this…and neither would ours.

I could rely on Temari to make tough decisions, and to lead when necessary. Not that I didn't rely on Kankuro at all, but Temari was a different person. She had a knack for holding everything together, and after today I would be without that.

I would be without my sister.

At least I still had Kankuro with me. Even if Temari was undoubtedly the strongest of us in force of will, I could rely on Kankuro with many of my own problems. I certainly wouldn't be able to do half the stuff I was doing without either one of them.

But Temari was happy. She was in love, although she rarely spoke about her feelings in general. But they were strong enough to want to go through with this, so I would stand by here, no matter how hard it was.

It was time for the bridesmaids to go out. All of them looked at me and blushed, which made me a bit uncomfortable. Matsuri was the last in line, and she seemed to react the same as the other girls. But as she walked by me, I could hear a very muted whisper.

"Good luck, Gaara-sama."

It shook me for a moment. All day _I_ was the one who had to do the reassurances on so many fronts. Temari had to say goodbye to her village, and it was _my _job to keep telling her she was doing the right thing. The council was so upset about this, and it was still my job to reassure them that this was the right thing. And Kankuro…a lot was worrying him, and it was up to me to stay calm.

It was the first time at all today that somebody gave _me_ strength. And…it was enough.

"Well, this is it," said Kankuro. He turned towards the doorway, but after a moment's hesitation he turned back around and gave Temari a kiss on the cheek. "Best of luck, sis."

"You too," said Temari, but her grip on my arm betrayed her calm exterior.

We watched Kankuro walk down the aisle, and I could feel her shaking slightly. "I've never been so nervous in all my life. Not even Class-S missions have ever affected me like this." She looked at me. "I'm getting married, Gaara. I'm _really_ getting married!!!!"

"You'll be fine," I told her. "If I didn't like this, I wouldn't be doing it. And you certainly wouldn't stand for refusals, Temari."

"Yeah…" Temari faced forward again. "And I'm ready. I think."

The main wedding music began filtering down to us. "Too late to turn back now," I said blandly.

Temari laughed loudly. "I guess so."

Everyone stood and turned to watch us walk down. Her grip was no less on my arm, and she kept her happiness subdued on her face. But I knew she was very happy about all of this. She wouldn't have agreed to this marriage or any other complications arising from this if she wasn't happy…and if she didn't love him.

I stared down the aisle to the dais. Shikamaru stood there watching us as though he were bored. But I could sense how nervous he was about all this. His teammate Chouji stood at his side as his best man, and he looked pleased beyond control.

A wail rose up from Shikamaru's side of the seating and I looked briefly. I almost stopped in my tracks. There were…babies in assembly. _Lots_ of babies. Some of them were beginning to fuss. I recognized Ino in the crowd, one of Shikamaru's teammates, and she held two babies in her arms. Temari had mentioned that their names were Katashi and Aimi. She looked a little haggard at the moment though, and I almost pitied her.

Then…I saw Sasuke. And I faltered mid-step.

Temari quickly covered up my mistake, but I was still very surprised. I hadn't expected Uchiha Sasuke to be in attendance at this ceremony. But he was, though he sat a little further away from the others. He ducked suddenly, which confused me greatly. But just as quickly he straightened, this time with a toddler sitting on his shoulder.

Tsubaki.

She stared at us with genuine curiosity, but I could also see that she was bored. So much had happened to her in her short life, and she yet she seemed like a very normal child. I'd only met her briefly on the battlefield and I'd held her in my arms. To see that the trauma she'd suffered had so little effect on her was great reassuring.

Enviable, even.

Sakura was at their side, and it didn't surprise me that she too held a baby in her arms. This baby had pink hair, but I didn't know her name. At least, I could _guess_ it was a 'her' with the pink hair. Temari never talked about them much, even though she seemed to like babies.

We reached the dais shortly thereafter. Off to the side someone else quickly caught my eye. A woman who also held a baby, who looked at us with clear, gray eyes. I knew that this was Hinata, and she was Naruto's wife.

And I knew it was _his_ son she held in her arms.

"So Gaara, you ready to give Temari up?" asked Naruto loudly, folding his arms over his chest.

I gaped at him and I felt Temari stiffen. He wasn't supposed to say that. I knew that there was a _procedure_ to this, and Naruto had just broken it.

I didn't look at Temari, but she must have given him a very dirty look. Naruto 'eeped' and quickly snapped to attention. "W-Who give this woman in marriage???" he boomed out dramatically.

"As the Godaime Kazekage of Sunagakure, and on behalf of Sunagakure to Konohagakure, I do," I said, reciting the necessary words. I released Temari and handed her over to Shikamaru, who didn't look the least bit affected by Naruto's behavior.

There was nothing else for me to do for right now. I walked over to the side to stand next to Kankuro. As I did so, I couldn't help but notice a very prolonged silence from the dais. Naruto was suppose to keep talking, but he wasn't.

As I turned back around, I saw him staring at Temari and Shikamaru with a blank expression. They stared back at him. Soft mumbling broke out over the audience and I continued to stare at Naruto. Did he forget his lines? He did just fine during the rehearsal.

Naruto seemed to realize that HE was supposed to lead the ceremony. He laughed loudly and rubbed the back of his head with his hand. "People of Konoha and Sunaga—we are gathered here to show the unity of our villages, through the unity of this marriage. As Shikamaru and Temari have come together in love, we too have come together in the presence of their holy matrimony.

"Shikamaru and Temari are obviously here because they love each other. They obviously wouldn't go to all this if this weren't the case. But……uh…" Naruto looked skyward suddenly. "Hold on a moment…"

"If anyone objects…" said Shikamaru, obviously guiding him.

"Ah, yeah!!! If anyone objects, please say so now or forever hold your peace!!!"

Nobody objected, not even members of our council. But I could see that Temari was greatly objecting to how her wedding ceremony. She looked very tense, and her teeth were clenched.

Sadly, Naruto continued to struggle guiding the ceremony. I could tell that he'd never conducted a wedding ceremony before. Then again, neither had I. But Temari's irritation was growing very quickly as the minutes ticked by, even as Shikamaru continued to look like he didn't care how any of this was handled.

When it was time to present the rings, Chouji tripped over his own feet and they flew through the air. Temari actually cried out in shock, and reached behind her as though looking for her fan. But her fan was still inside the building, and she couldn't stop the rings.

One of them hit me square in the forehead. I wasn't expecting it and neither was my sand, and so it impacted against my flesh. My sand was quick to catch the ring before it hit the ground. "I've got it."

"W-Where's the other one?!" demanded Temari, hurrying over to us.

"I-I think I have it."

My stomach unexpectedly turned. We all turned towards Matsuri, who was digging into her bouquet of flowers.

"You don't have it!!!" one of the girls—Sari I think her name is—hissed at her.

"No, I thought I saw—HERE!!!" Matsuri looked up. "I _do_ have it; it's just caught in my flowers!!!"

"Let me see!!!" Temari walked over and looked into the bouquet. I'm going to assume that the ring _was_ there, because Temari proceeded to rip a few flowers out of the bouquet in order to rescue the ring. Seconds later, sure enough, Temari had the ring hanging from her finger. "Here it is!!" she walked away; seemingly unaware of the damage she'd done to Matsuri's bouquet. White and pink flower petals littered the ground under Matsuri, and her bouquet looked like someone had chewed it up. She stared down at it dejectedly, but she forced a smile and focused on the ceremony.

I felt like saying something to her. I _wanted_ to say something to her. But I didn't know what to say, and she was too far away from me for me to even try. All I could do was focus on the ceremony.

Unfortunately, things only went from bad to worse. Naruto still struggled through the ceremony, and Temari and Shikamaru ended up reciting most of the ring vows themselves because Naruto didn't know them. This was only making Temari angrier and angrier, even as our audience got a good laugh out of it.

Then…it happened. Naruto tried to lead in the vows, but was still unsuccessful.

"This ring I give you in token of my love, and—aw, screw this!!! This is so _boring_!!! Why don't we just cut to the chase already?!?!"

My jaw dropped. I know Naruto didn't mean it maliciously, but I still couldn't believe he said it!!! While he was _leading _the ceremony!!!

Shikamaru glanced at Temari. "…He has a point."

That was the last straw, it seemed. I moved to step forward, but Kankuro raised a hand to stop me. I could've easily bypassed him, but I found myself frozen as Temari yelled and lunged at Naruto.

There was a sudden blur between the two of them and Temari abruptly stopped. Her right arm was stretched out and I heard what sounded like the expelling of air as two fingers jabbed hard into her arm.

"Temari-san. You are upset by how this is being handled. But I won't allow you to lay a hand on my husband."

Hinata. She was the one who now restrained Temari, and she looked at her very coldly, her Byakugan now active. Dark red welts suddenly appeared on Temari's arm. I remembered that the same attack had been used _on_ her years ago. She'd shut off Temari's chakra in her arm.

Temari herself seemed to have calm down. "I understand." She pulled away from Hinata. "Then let's finish this."

Naruto looked stunned, even as Hinata smiled at him and retook her place off to the side. One of the members of the Hyuuga clan held her son in his arms and he handed it back to her once she returned.

Naruto once again looked out at everyone blankly. Then he spoke. "This ring I give you, in token of my love and devotion—"

The rest of the ceremony went very smoothly. The threat of bodily harm helped to retrigger Naruto's memory, and he was able to go through with it without forgetting anything else.

Then…it was the moment everyone was waiting for.

"By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife," he said just as dramatically as his opening. He spread his arms out wide as though in blessing. "You may kiss the bride!!!"

Shikamaru simply shrugged and turned to face Temari. What happened next was simply quite surprising. I wasn't exactly expecting much out of this, since Temari was in a bad mood over her ruptured wedding ceremony, and Shikamaru didn't seem very interested in the festivities. So when they came together for their ceremonial kiss, it was…very intense to say the least. Even embarrassing to look at.

I _did_ look away, only to see Kankuro watching it placidly. He summed it all up with one word.

"Damn."

---

"What the hell did she do to my arm?!?!"

Temari was scrubbing at her right arm furiously, at the welts there. The scratching predictably did nothing to make the welts go away. White scratches were formed on her skin and her arm was becoming redder and redder, as though she were having an allergic reaction.

"Way to go," said Kankuro sarcastically, drinking down a cupful of hot tea. "You look sunburned now, and your dress has no sleeves!!!"

Temari picked up her ninja headband and threw it at Kankuro. "Just shut up!!!"

"C'mon, just chill," said Shikamaru, calmly lounging in a seat in the corner. "There's no use getting so riled up about it. It'll disappear in a few days."

"She's your problem now," grunted Kankuro, picking up her headband. "You wouldn't want to lose this." He slapped it onto the table.

My fingers curled around the headband I held in my hands and I looked down. Sunagakure's hourglass symbol stared up at me. This was Temari's old headband. We'd just gotten back from her initiation ceremony. Naruto had remembered his lines completely this time, and had welcomed Temari as a Konoha ninja. She had taken off her Sunagakure headband and gave it to me, and with simple words I released her from our village.

Naruto then presented her with her new Konoha headband, promoting her as a Konoha Jonin ninja as she'd been a Jonin of my village. She'd accepted the headband and had put it on to show her new allegiance to Konoha as a citizen.

But now she'd thrown said headband at Kankuro. Ah, well.

"Should we go to the reception now or do you want to leave?" asked Shikamaru. He yawned widely and loudly. "I'm _exhausted_, but my mom would kill me if I missed out on anything more…"

I never met his mother, but I think I saw a seething woman in the crowd next to a man who looked exasperated. She looked probably even more upset than Temari that the wedding ceremony didn't go smoothly. I guess the Nara clan had a knack for marrying women with tempers.

As for me…I wouldn't think about it. There wasn't much for me _to_ think about.

Temari sighed, and she seemed to calm down a bit. "Let's go to the reception. I haven't eaten anything all day anyways." She looked down at her reddened arm. "What should I do about this?"

"Throw a jacket over it," said Shikamaru. Then he seemed to give it some thought. "No, that wouldn't go with that hood. I guess you could remove the hood and wear a coat…"

Temari sighed heavily, but pulled the cowl off her head. "I don't have a choice, do I? It's either that, or show this hideous thing off to everyone."

"…This is a drag," said Shikamaru, yawning again.

Temari put on a coat and made sure to grab her new Konoha headband as Shikamaru and her left the room together. I had to admit I was a little confused. Things seemed the same between them, but they were married now. Shouldn't they act…I don't know, _different_?

Well, what could I say? I didn't know anything about such things.

The reception was held as an outdoor party, as the wedding had been. Thankfully the weather was clear today. The people behind putting the reception together almost panicked when they saw us, and insisted we wait a little while longer. I didn't know what this meant, until they formally announced us all in. I simple shrugged at this, but tried to present myself in a very dignified manner. It didn't seem like anyone was looking at me, though, so that helped.

I was only so thankful that there weren't many other weddings I would be obligated to go to. Kankuro was one, and I wouldn't be surprised if he left me in charge of the proceedings. Then there was my own, but I had serious doubts I would ever get married. I can't really imagine anyone would want to marry me.

As I thought this though, Matsuri caught my eye. She was laughing with her friends, even as a Konoha ninja asked to dance with her. I quickly looked away, mostly because I didn't like this feeling I had.

"Gaara!!!"

I was heading over to the main table when I heard this shout. I turned to see Naruto hurrying towards me, his son bobbing in his arms. "Are you enjoying the party?"

"It's…fun," I offered him; not pointing out the fact that I'd just arrived.

"We brought in a lot of food too, and everyone's excited about Temari joining Konoha!!! Even Saru's getting a kick out of this!!!"

"…Saru?" even before the name left my mouth, I knew he was talking about his son.

Someone shouted to Naruto suddenly. He looked around as though looking for Hinata, but she didn't seem to be around. He looked at me, and his face lit up.

I knew what he wanted me to do. "Er—"

"Gaara, can you watch Saru for a minute? I have to take care of something."

"Er…" I quickly looked around, but I didn't recognize anyone. Temari, Shikamaru, and Kankuro had already to their seats at the main table. "I…guess so."

"Good!!! I'll be back in five minutes!!!" Naruto handed Saru over to me and ran off.

I stood there alone for a moment, feeling the tiny body squirm in my arms. I wasn't use to holding babies. The last time had been Tsubaki, and she'd been too small to move in my arms. I looked down at Saru. He stared back up at me with unbridled glee. He was Naruto's spitting image; the only difference was the clear Hyuuga eyes staring up at me.

"Gaara!!! Hurry up and sit down!!!" yelled Kankuro.

Saru was starting to slip a little in my arms and I tried to pull him up higher as I walked stiffly to the table. I felt like everyone was staring at me, which was probably the case. I was the Kazekage, holding the son of the Hokage in my arms.

It was awkward.

As I took a seat at the table, I noticed the stitch work on the front of Saru's jumper. I hadn't thought much of his name, or what it might mean. But the kanji sewn onto his clothes stuck out.

**猿**

I gaped at this character, even with the baby waving his arms. "…Monkey?"

"Gaara." Temari came over to me, her face lighting up when she saw Saru. "Aw, he's adorable!!! Where'd you get him, Gaara?"

"…Monkey," I said.

"Monkey?" Temari looked at the kanji. She made a face. "Saru…this is the Hokage's kid, isn't it? He named him _monkey_?!"

"…It's all right," I offered.

"Who would name their kid 'monkey'?! I'm only going to assume Naruto named his kid because no woman would be stupid enough to come up with this name!!!"

Shikamaru coughed ever-so-slightly.

"I don't see what the problem is," said Kankuro, helping himself to the saké on the table. "It's his kid, he can name him what he wants."

"It suits him," I said. "It doesn't really mat…" My voice slowly trailed off as Saru began chewing noisily on my Kazekage sash.

Hinata rescued her son from me minutes later, and she kindly thanked me. I could still feel his weight in my arms though, even after he left. It left me with far more internal turmoil than I expected or wanted.

This whole…experience was making me feel things. I don't mind feeling for others, but I wasn't use to it on this scale. It was…nice.

The party was predictably a little wild. Temari seemed to forget the whole mess about the ceremony and was having fun. Shikamaru was still very subdued, and it looked like Ino put Chouji in charge of their children. I very rarely saw him away from either baby, and Ino was having fun with Sakura and some other women. Once Kankuro hit a few more cups of saké, he was having a lot of fun too.

I…however, remained subdued. Not because of my Kage title, and Naruto seemed to have no problem getting drunk despite his. It didn't really occur to me to act outrageous or get drunk, even as other people expected me to. I don't quite think becoming falling over drunk in front of your infant son set the best sort of examples, but Naruto seemed to be having a lot of fun. And Hinata didn't voice any objections.

"You _have_ to do it!!!"

"Aw, c'mon Mom!!!"

I looked down the table. Shikamaru's mother was in the middle of giving him a lecture. I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow slightly. Wasn't that _Temari's _job now?

"Look, Temari already said she didn't want to dance," said Shikamaru, clearly annoyed but looking to avoid an argument. "What's the point in doing something we both feel uncomfortable doing?"

"It's tradition, you idiot!!! The bride and groom _must_ dance at their wedding." She planted her hands on her hips. "So my daughter-in-law and you better stand up and do some dancing!!!"

"This is such a drag!!! Can't you help me _at all_ with this, Temari?!"

Temari at that moment was talking to Kankuro, and quite pointedly ignoring the conversation.

"Hey Shikamaru!!!" yelled Chouji suddenly, still holding Katashi and Aimi in his arms. "Since you're staying here, can you hang onto my kids for awhile?! Ino won't give me a break!!!"

Shikamaru stiffened, and looked at both babies. He quickly reached over and grabbed Temari's arm. "C'mon, let's go."

"Wait, what?! I told you I don't want to dance!!" Temari pulled her arm free with surprising ease. "It isn't my thing, and—" Temari suddenly froze where she stood and a look of fury crossed her face. "Y-You—"

"Look, I don't want to do this anymore than you do, but we might as well get it over with," said Shikamaru. He raised a hand to smooth back his head, and Temari mirrored the motion. He'd snared her with his Shadow Jutsu. "Just one dance, okay? Then let's get the hell out of here."

"All right, all right, just get me out of this jutsu." Shikamaru released her, but Temari quickly turned on us. "Get up, you two."

"What?!" asked Kankuro.

"I'm not doing this dance alone; you both are doing it with me!!"

"I don't have a date, and neither does Gaara!!!"

"Then go pick up some random girl!!! Either way, you're getting on that dance floor and dancing!!!"

"…I don't dance," I said quietly. As the Kazekage I could easily override her demands. But sometimes, there was no escaping the fact that she was my older sister.

"I don't care if you can't even do a headstand, you're dancing!!!" Temari shook her head and departed with Shikamaru to the open floor.

I stared after them in confusion. "Why would I want to do a headstand?"

Kankuro grumbled various curse words under his breath and stood. "If _I _ever get married, I'll make sure Temari pays for this." He suddenly did several hand signs, but I didn't know for a moment what sort of jutsu he was trying to do.

He suddenly turned around to look behind him. "All right, let's go."

I turned to look as well. A girl seemed to materialize out of the shadows. She had short brown hair and she wore a dress similar to Temari's bridesmaids. Her eyes set me off a little, though. They were completely lifeless, unfeeling, and they stared at Kankuro unblinkingly.

I slowly stood up. "Kankuro, is that a puppet?"

"Shh, not so loud!!!" Kankuro hissed at me. "If I'm humiliating myself this way, I'll one-up Temari with one of my allies!!!" He quickly took off, the female doll mechanically following him.

I stared after them. "…What am _I_ suppose to do?"

"Can Tsubaki dance?"

I jumped at this new voice and turned around. Sasuke's young daughter was standing rather close to me, and looking up at me expectantly.

"Er…" I coughed indiscreetly. "I'm sorry?"

"Can Tsubaki dance?" she repeated. "Do you want to dance with Tsubaki?"

I blinked. How much did this child hear of this messy conversation? I didn't know whether or not Sasuke or Sakura would approve of me dancing with their daughter.

"It's all right."

I looked up at Sakura approached, her infant child in her arms. She smiled at me slightly, tilting her head to the side. "Tsubaki can be spontaneous, but she's a good kid. She's knows a little bit about dancing."

"Uh…" I cleared my throat again. "I-I wouldn't want to—"

"Be my guest, dance with her. Besides, I need a little bit of a break every now and then." Sakura laughed and ruffled Tsubaki's bluish-black hair. "Mokuren expels enough of my energy as it is."

I knew she was talking about her new baby. But me? Dancing? And with a toddler? I didn't know what I was doing at all!!!

"C'mon, c'mon!!!" Tsubaki grabbed my hand, and with surprising strength for a child proceeded to drag me towards the open floor.

Kankuro took one look at us and burst out laughing. _He_ was the one dancing with one of his puppets and he thought _I _looked ridiculous?! The 'awwws' and laughter throughout the assembly didn't help matters, either.

"Temari, I don't know how to dance," I said blandly, giving her a cold look out of the corner of my eye.

Temari snorted pitilessly. "And what makes you think _I _can?!"

"Just one dance, guys," said Shikamaru neutrally. "That's all that's needed."

One dance. That should be fine. I survived death; _this_ should be a piece of cake.

Tsubaki took hold my hands into hers and stepped up onto my feet. I was extremely confused as to why she would be dancing _on top_ of me, but then I thought this would be more convenient. I would feel bad if I trampled all over her feet.

Then the music began. And it was quite possibly the most awkward five minutes of my life. Temari had forced me to watch movies designed for women in the past, so I had a vague grasp of dancing. A _very _vague grasp of dancing. I don't embarrass easily, but it's a sad day when a _toddler_ has to lead the dance.

"Right step, left step." Tsubaki was mumbling to me. She didn't seem embarrassed either by my lack of experience, but then again she was just a child. She kept repeating the same four words, and we simply stepped around in a very small circle.

I wonder if Sasuke was ever made to do something like this. I wouldn't be surprised.

I looked up only briefly a few times. Shikamaru's mother was positively beaming from the front of the crowd circled around us, while his father looked embarrassed for his son. That was the last time I looked at the crowd during the dance. I looked at Temari and Shikamaru. They seemed to be doing okay, but Shikamaru kept yawning widely, and Temari would hit him on the shoulder when he did. Kankuro, despite his undermining of Temari, was faring the worst with his puppet, which moved as stiff as hell. I looked back down at Tsubaki, who stared up at me calmly. I…guess it could've been worse.

When the dance finally ended, the crowd erupted in cheers, although I couldn't tell if they were being sincere or sarcastic. Tsubaki quickly jumped off my feet. "Thank you, Gaara-san."

"…You're welcome," I said.

Tsubaki was suddenly swept up into the air. "Is Tsubaki-san ready to fly???"

My eyes widened slightly at Rock Lee, who held Tsubaki high over his head. "…Hi."

"Hello, Gaara-san," he said to me sincerely, bowing slightly. He looked back up at the child he held over his head. "Tsubaki-san is taking off!!! VROOOOOM!!!!!!"

"VROOOOOOM!!!!!" Tsubaki shouted as Lee took off running at high speed.

I stared after them, wondering if that was even safe. I quickly scanned the crowd and saw Sasuke and Sakura. They'd seen the spectacle but didn't seem concerned. I guess this was relatively routine.

Still, my eyes followed the dust trail left by Lee. It was still hard to believe that this was the same guy I had crippled when we were teenagers.

"_I am not the type to hold grudges, but because of you I have gone through quite a bit of trouble."_

Even though he made a full recovery years ago, it still made me relieved to see him very agile.

A feeling of discontent suddenly took me. Temari and Shikamaru had already departed, but Kankuro was having trouble disentangling himself from his puppet. I left him to this and quickly walked off. I wanted to be alone, even for a moment.

I found a quiet place unoccupied by anyone. I leaned against the wall and folded my arms over my chest, staring up at the sky. I didn't like pouring over my own emotions. I had no experience dealing with such, and it gave me too much to think about.

But now…I was losing my sister. More so, I was surrounded by people whose lives had been altered in some way because of me. I was their ally now, but I still aided in an attack against this village. And yet, nobody seemed to hold any grudges…not that I could see, anyways.

I closed my eyes. All of this was giving me too much to think about. When I thought about my feelings, my mind inevitably drifting back to the many lives I took. Most of them had been bad, bad people who'd been looking to kill me. But I was always stronger than them, and many of them I'd killed when they were begging for their lives.

That was the curse of being a ninja. But I hadn't killed them in self-preservation. I'd killed them because Shukaku had thirsted for their blood…and so did I. I'd killed them because I _wanted_ to and I _liked_ to, because I had nothing else in my life to make me feel anything. Not my family, not friends…not anything.

But it didn't excuse me. And even with Shukaku long gone, with my father dead, and me as the Kazekage protecting my people…sometimes, it wasn't enough to erase my sins.

"Gaara-sama?"

I opened my eyes, startled. I wasn't startled though by this sudden presence. Mostly, it was for the sudden jolt I felt at this voice. I turned my head. "What is it, Matsuri?"

She seemed startled I spoke her name directly, or that I was even talking to her. She almost seemed to be losing her nerve slightly, and she looked embarrassed. I didn't really understand why she was acting this way, but I was patient.

"I was wondering how you were doing," she said slowly, adverting her eyes slightly. She gathered more of her nerve and looked at me again. "You left very abruptly after the dance."

"…How did I look?" I asked suddenly.

Matsuri stared at me blankly for a moment and burst out laughing. It lasted for a period of time and I simply stared at her. Even if she was laughing at me, it was an oddly…pleasant sound.

After a few moments she seemed to remember herself and quickly straightened. "I-I-I'm sorry—"

"It's fine," I told her calmly. "But I can imagine I looked ridiculous."

"No, it wasn't like that at all!!! Everyone thought it was adorable you danced with Uchiha Tsubaki like that!!"

"…They laughed."

"Yeah, but it was mostly at Kankuro-sama!!! Everyone could tell he was dancing with one of his puppets!! Temari-sama was so _angry_ at him!!!" now that she was speaking at length with me, she seemed to relax. "But don't worry, you looked very cool tonight!! How could you look foolish dancing with a toddler?"

"…I see." I found I didn't really know what to say. "Do they need me now?"

A strange expression crossed Matsuri's face. "Am I bothering you, Gaara-sama?"

"No, not at all." Where did she get that idea? "I'm fine. If you were bothering me I would tell you so."

"I-I see." She relaxed visibly and smiled again. "Do you mind if I talk to you some more?"

"Why would I mind?"

Now she looked embarrassed. "Well…some of the other girls might get angry if they see us talking—"

"Why would they be?"

"Uh…" she quickly waved a dismissive hand. "Never mind. Did you want to go back?"

"Not right now. I wanted some quiet…and to think."

"About what?" she asked.

I glanced at her again. I don't open up to people easily. I remembered when I'd first done so to Naruto and Shikamaru; it'd just poured out of me without pause. I knew I'd felt in the heat of the moment my first kinsman-ship with another human being when Naruto revealed he had a demon inside him as well.

But now…it was different. But looking at Matsuri, and the shy but sincere concern in her eyes…I didn't feel that kinsman-ship, but I felt _something_ at odds with me. It seemed enough, though.

"You saw the ninja who took Tsubaki, didn't you?"

Matsuri nodded. "Rock Lee. He gave us aid when you were kidnapped."

"I crippled him."

She almost cringed at my cold tone, but I continued. "I crushed his arm and leg in my Sand Coffin. The only reason he can function as a ninja now is because Tsunade saved him."

"H-He seems fine now," she said. "He runs very fast and he had no trouble picking Uchiha Tsubaki up."

"He has recovered and sees me as a friend. But I feel I do not deserve this."

"…Why not?"

"Because I'm not a heroic person that Sunagakure believes me to be. I carried a monster inside me my whole life. And I used this monster to murder people."

She didn't flinch, as I expected her to do. It seemed to give me a greater drive to continue. "I have committed countless sins I can hardly atone for, and yet here I am celebrating at my sister's wedding. I hold the highest position of power in our village and many people. Do I deserve any of this? Do I deserve to be where I am now, when I have to consider everything that I've done in my life?"

She seemed at a loss for words, and I didn't expect an answer from her. I turned away and closed my eyes once more. "Never mind. Don't let me damper the festivities—"

"I think you're wrong."

I opened my eyes at her outburst. She almost looked angry with me and she walked over to me. "If everything that you say is true, then nobody here deserves to be happy. If you must account to your sins, then everyone here must to. We are all guilty of sins we cannot speak of. We're ninja; that's the path we tread. We've all killed, for whatever reason there may be. Even if we kill the most vile piece of scum, this vile piece of scum might have just one person who mourns them. It's the cross that we carry.

"I…admire you, Gaara-sama, but even I can admit that I know very little of the person you were before I met you. I only know you as the person you are now."

"Which is?" my voice was detached, but I was curious about her answer.

"Strong." I almost rolled my eyes at that word, but she pressed on. "You are undoubtedly the strongest in Sunagakure, but you are strong in spirit, too. You have a strong conviction to do what you think is right. And…you're kind."

"…_Kind_?"

"This…whole thing with you, and the people you've killed…it bothers you, even after all the good you've done. You feel guilty about Rock Lee, even when he doesn't even hate you. If that's not kindness, then what is it?"

I had no answer for her. But the relief I'd momentarily felt at seeing Rock Lee started to resurface. I could speak at length about Kankuro over, and he would possibly give me the same answers. But…maybe this was what I needed. Reassurances from somebody who wasn't so close to me as Kankuro or Temari or Naruto.

Someone to tell me I wasn't a monster.

A sudden uproar from the center of the party startled us both. Matsuri turned back around to look and quickly looked at me. She was smiling once more. "Temari-sama is about to throw her bouquet."

"Throw her…" I trailed off in confusion. I knew this was custom for a wedding, as Temari had mentioned. But I never cared to know what it meant. It seemed important though, as Matsuri rushed over to join the group.

I slowly followed her, though I hung back when I saw the platitude of women rushing towards the circle. I caught a glimpse of Tsubaki at the front of the crowd of women and I smiled slightly.

"Ugh, this is so annoying," complained Kankuro as he came to stand beside me. His puppet was gone at least. "Why does Temari have to make a show of this?!"

I shrugged and said nothing, because I had no answer. Temari stood on a balcony above the ever-growing crowd, and it pleased me to see the joy and humor in her face. It wasn't a common expression to see in her.

"Are you ready?!" she shouted out.

She was answered by several violent screams, and I even saw one woman pull the hair of the other. Why were they acting this way? It was only a bouquet of flowers. I quickly saw Matsuri, who wasn't pulling any hair. She was standing just behind Tsubaki, though she seemed as enthusiastic as everyone else.

Temari turned so that her back was to the crowd. Somehow, I could tell by her body language that she was going to pitch the bouquet either to Tsubaki, or to Matsuri. The crowd of rowdy hysterical women ready to catch the flowers was becoming almost manic now. I was glad I wasn't in there.

I looked over at Matsuri, who was yelling and jostling with the other women. All of them had enough sense not to trample Tsubaki, though. Something in me though wanted Matsuri to win this. If for nothing else, then to replace the bouquet that Temari had destroyed.

And…to repay her kindness.

"One…two…THREE!!!!!" Temari pitched the bouquet high above her head. I concentrated on it. A burst of sand struck the bouquet. It was very discreet; nobody would see it unless they were looking at it. But it was enough to send the bouquet in a very specific direction; right into Matsuri's arms.

"I GOT IT!!!!" she screamed, waving it above her head. She hopped and up happily, while the other women grumbled in anger.

Kankuro folded his arms over his chest and snorted. He glanced at me and gave me a wry smile. "Picking them off one-by-one, are you Gaara?"

I shrugged slightly. It didn't surprise me that he'd seen the sand, despite my discretion. "Temari destroyed her bouquet looking for her ring. I thought it would be nice for her to get another."

I was surprised to see Kankuro gape at me. "What?"

"What?" he asked.

I stared back at him. "What's wrong?"

"Awwww, Gaara!!!!" Kankuro slapped a hand over his eyes. "Don't you know _anything_?!?! This whole throwing the bouquet thing is a jinx!!! The girl who catches it will be the next one to get married!!! Get it?!?!"

I felt my jaw drop slightly. "Wait. What?"

---

The wedding party ended sometime later, but Konoha was still bustling with the festivities. It was only deep into the night that everything began to finally settle down.

I stretched out in bed in the guest room Naruto had provided for me, not really feeling tired. It'd been a much unexpected day for me. So much had happened, it almost seemed surreal to me.

My hand reached up once more to trace my tattoo. Love. Even after all this time it was still a word I was getting use to. I knew I loved both of my siblings, and I knew that Temari loved Shikamaru. I loved Temari enough to feel uneasy to hand her over in marriage, and to hand her over to another village. Tomorrow, we would leave…but Temari would stay.

And Kankuro…he was my older brother. I felt guilt over the many times I threatened his life and treated him like a disposable object. But that way all behind us, and I felt closer to him now than I'd ever been.

Naruto paved this way for me. If it wasn't for him, none of this would've been possible. I don't even want to imagine what I'd be like if he hadn't entered my life. He gave me something so…I can't even put it into words, but it was because of this that I knew I could trust him with both my sister and our alliance.

I dropped my hand back down to my side. My mind drifted back to today…to Matsuri. How I'd first seen her as though she were a stranger. Her kindness, her smile, her laugh…these were little things that I had noticed, just today, even though she'd displayed all of these things before.

But…I'd seen them. And somehow, it flattered me. And now that I thought about it, I couldn't think of anything else.

Very strange, indeed.


End file.
